To Need Someone
by ThatFilmStudent
Summary: Need is a strong emotion. To need something is to feel as though you cannot live without that thing. To need someone can be as important, as dangerous, as loving them. Need can be stronger than love. In which Sirius gets jealous and a conversation ensues. Remus/Sirius.
1. Remus's Perspective

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters.**

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"What the fuck are you doing?" Sirius fumed.

"Excuse you?" Remus replied calmly. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Sirius snorted and turned around to face the door of the classroom they were in, dragging his hands through his hair roughly and breathing heavily.

Sighing silently, Remus took a seat at one of the desks and looked around the empty room, half-ignoring the now pacing Sirius. He noticed that Sirius was muttering something under his breath but he couldn't quite decipher the mumbled words. Instead, he sat patiently and thought back to the events that led to their situation.

 **XXX**

 _"_ _How about meeting up this Friday, if you are not busy? You know, to study," Emmeline murmured, smiling flirtatiously and stroking his arm._

 _Remus glanced down at the feminine hand on his bicep before he looked up at his study friend and smiled tightly. "Maybe. I don't know what I'm doing on Friday. But I'll ge—"_

 _He didn't get to finish his sentence as he was suddenly dragged down the hallway and thrown into an empty classroom. He didn't have time to shout at Sirius for being so rude as the ex-Black had already locked the door and begun shouting at Remus by the time he understood what was happening: "What the fuck are you doing?"_

 **XXX**

Remus watched as Sirius paced, knowing that the Animagus had concocted some convoluted and outlandish story in his head. But it wasn't as bad as it seemed, Remus knew. Emmeline was just being her usual flirtatious self.

Outside the door, he could hear faint chatter. He recognised the voices as belonging to James and Lily but, much like Sirius's mumbling, he couldn't quite understand their muffled words as Sirius had not only locked the door but had also placed a hasty silencing charm on it so that no one in the surrounding vicinity would be able to hear what they were saying. Or what they would be saying if Sirius wasn't pacing and Remus wasn't sitting silently.

Remus glanced at his wristwatch.

Sirius had been pacing for well over five minutes and Remus was, quite frankly, getting bored. He released a long sigh but Sirius didn't seem to notice. Sighing again, quieter this time, Remus rested his elbow on the desk and continued to watch Sirius pace.

After a few more minutes, he finally spoke, "What's wrong, Sirius?"

Truth be told, he had a fairly good idea as to what was wrong with Sirius. He could read Sirius like a book sometimes but it was obvious to anyone that Sirius was pissed off. However, only a few (himself, the Marauders, and Lily) knew **why** Sirius was so pissed off.

Sirius stopped pacing abruptly and whirled around to face Remus. "What's wrong?" he repeated disbelievingly. "What's wrong?!" He scoffed and shook his head faintly, looking away. He bit his lip and took a few moments before he looked back at Remus, seemingly much calmer except from the wild anger in his grey eyes. "What do you think is wrong, Remus?"

Remus swallowed and shrugged. "I don't know," he lied.

"Yes you fucking do!" Sirius snapped. "You know exactly what is wrong." He took deep breath before he asked, "What were you doing out there?"

Remus studied his friend, noting the tenseness in Sirius's shoulder and hearing the thinly-veiled anger that had seeped into Sirius's voice. He looked Sirius up and down before replying coolly, "I'm just doing what you're doing."

Sirius frowned, confused. "What I'm doing?"

"I believe you called it 'harmless flirting'?" he replied, raising an eyebrow smugly.

"Oh, yeah. Really harmless, that was!"

"It was literally what you do," Remus snapped. "Oh, wait; apart from I didn't kiss her," he added, glaring at Sirius.

"Remus," Sirius groaned, looking away, "I didn't kiss Marlene. She kissed me—"

Remus snorted derisively and muttered, "Sure," before he stood up from his chair and began slowly walking towards Sirius. The movement made Sirius look up and their eyes locked as Remus stalked closer and Sirius stayed where he was. Remus stopped when he was within touching distance of Sirius. "What is it, Sirius?" he asked, looking the ex-Black in the eye defiantly. "You're allowed to but I'm not?"

Sirius frowned and looked down at Remus's tie, seemingly trying to get his erratic breathing under control. He seemed to be thinking, so Remus just stared at him, trying to decipher the multitude of emotions crossing Sirius's aristocratic features.

Finally, Sirius spoke, "I'm a flirty person, Remus. People expect it from me. But you..." He looked Remus in the eye again. "You don't flirt. When you flirt, people believe you're interested in them."

Remus frowned. "And? People think they have a chance with you when you flirt," he pointed out, watching Sirius carefully. His friend was acting strange – almost scared... "What's the difference?"

"They don't have a chance with me," Sirius replied quietly. "That's the difference."

Remus's frown deepened. "What?" He was confused now; Sirius wasn't making any sense. "They don't have—"

"Yes, they do!" Sirius interrupted, grey eyes wide. "Don't you get it, Remus? You're... You're bloody amazing. You could have anyone." He sighed then inhaled slowly. "What if you find someone who deserves you, and then you realised that they're better? What if you realise that you **deserve** better? And then... Then they take you away, and you leave me? And you're happy, but me, I'm not because I couldn't keep the one thing that makes sense in this fucked up life of mine!"

Remus stared at Sirius, feeling overwhelmed and absolutely astonished. It was a lot to take in. Sirius had never voiced any of these worries before and Remus felt like a monumental moron from for not realising that this was how his more-than-friend felt. Wasn't he supposed to be the one who could read Sirius like a book? Wasn't he supposed to know Sirius and his inner thoughts?

Remus thought about Sirius's words. He had never thought he was 'amazing' or that he deserved better. In fact, he believed that Sirius could do so much better than a werewolf with an uncertain future and a life full of prejudices. Truth be told, he thought that Sirius flirted so much so that he could find someone better.

Remus was brought out of his thoughts by Sirius's attempts to steady his rapid breathing. He looked into grey eyes and finally saw Sirius. The real Sirius. Not the fun-loving Padfoot, but the vulnerable Sirius Black who had been abandoned by his family and had only known love from his chosen family at Hogwarts.

"Remus, when I flirt, it's meaningless. People know that," Sirius continued. "But you... You'll realise that there are so many people out there – better people that deserve you. And you'll... You'll realise how fucked up I am, and then you'll leave me. And I won't be able to do anything about it because I know you deserve more." He sighed. "I just... I don't – I cannot lose you, Remus. I just can't." He frowned and bit his lip. "Remus, I... I-I need you," he stuttered and looked down.

Remus froze, unsure of what to do. He had never been in this type of situation before. He had never been needed before. Loved? Maybe. But needed? No.

He watched as Sirius shuffled his feet, fidgeting nervously, and he couldn't help but feel as though Sirius looked like a terrified child. He looked so scared, so vulnerable, that it made Remus feel guilty because he knew that no one – or at least very few people – had seen this side of Sirius before; the side that feared rejection and knew the same loneliness that Remus knew.

He stepped forward and ducked his head, trying to catch Sirius's gaze but failing as Sirius stared resolutely at the floor. After a moment, he cupped Sirius's face in his hands and forced his head up to look at him. Grey eyes remained looking anywhere but at Remus.

"Sirius, look at me," he demanded softly.

Sirius obliged and worried grey eyes met determined hazel-amber.

"Sirius, I..." he trailed off, wondering what the hell to say.

Hope and worry flitted through grey eyes. Remus felt elegant hands wrapping around his wrists, pulling him closer, and he lowered his head as Sirius tilted his face up. Their lips met halfway in a simple brush, gentle and soft but full of emotion. A kiss that, for Remus, conveyed his intent to stay; a kiss that showed that he wasn't going to leave Sirius now.

After a moment, he pulled back and rested his forehead against Sirius's, staring into blurry grey eyes. He needed Sirius to know that he didn't feel any different; that even after seeing this new side of Sirius, he wasn't going to leave. In fact, if anything, he felt closer to Sirius.

Closing his eyes, he focused on Sirius. He noticed that Sirius was trembling slightly, and he could feel Sirius's shallow breath against his lips. He could feel Sirius's hands gripping his wrists tight, as if he were afraid that Remus would fade away or leave at any second. It was weird for Remus to realise that he was the reason that Sirius felt all of this. It was surreal that someone needed him so much – that **Sirius** was so scared to lose him. He ran his thumb over Sirius's lips and felt Sirius's tension slowly drain away.

"I need you, too," Remus spoke quietly, not wanting to disturb the moment too much. "And I'm sorry."

Sirius pulled back slightly, staring into hazel-amber eyes for a long moment before he nodded and smiled. The worry and the anger and the confusion all left his face as he stared at Remus, and Remus felt hopeful that he had gotten his point across. He wasn't going to leave Sirius, and he thought that maybe Sirius knew that. He reckoned that Sirius understood that Remus needed him as much as he needed Remus.

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 **Rewritten: July, 2018**


	2. Sirius's Perspective

**DISCLAIMER: See previous chapter.**

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"What the fuck are you doing?" Sirius fumed.

"Excuse you?" Remus replied calmly. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Sirius snorted at the innocent tone and turned around to face the door of the classroom they were in, dragging his hands through his hair roughly and breathing heavily.

Unsure of what else to do, he began muttering swearwords under his breath and pacing in front of the door, resolutely ignoring his more-than-friend as Remus sat down at one of the desks. No matter how many profanities and self-reassurances he mumbled, he could only think of the events that led to their situation.

 **XXX**

 _Sirius grinned at his best mate's vulgar joke as they turned the corner, his eyes absently taking in his surroundings. His smile dropped immediately upon seeing Remus – or more specifically, who Remus was with: Emmeline Vance, Ravenclaw hussy and ex-girlfriend of Remus's._

 _He slowed to a halt, ignoring James asking him what was wrong. A loud buzzing filled his ears and his blood began to boil as he watched Vance and Remus interact. He noticed Vance's coquettish smile and he watched with a frown as her hand began oh-so-innocently stroking Remus's bicep._

 _He had seen enough when he saw Remus notice the hand and, instead of shaking her off, smile at the evil bint. He stormed up the corridor, grabbed Remus's arm, and dragged him away from Vance and into the first available classroom. He hastily applied a locking and silencing charm on the door, ignoring Remus's looks of confusion and annoyance, before he couldn't contain himself any longer: "What the fuck are you doing?"_

 **XXX**

Sirius paced harder, knowing it was only a matter of time before Remus realised his mistake; before Remus realised that he was stupid for ending things with Vance for Sirius. Sirius had nothing to offer; he was an ex-aristocrat whose own family didn't even want. He could offer nothing of worth, and he couldn't offer the one thing that Remus craved most of all: normality.

"Fuck, fuck, fuckedy fuck-shit!"

The buzzing had settled into a hum now, and Sirius could once again hear his surroundings. He could hear faint chatter coming from the other side of the door, and he assumed it was James and Lily. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but Lily sounded worried and James sound placating.

From the corner of his eye, he noticed Remus glance at his wristwatch. He quickly tore his gaze away from Remus and resumed his pacing, pretending not to notice the loud sigh from the werewolf. He heard Remus sigh again and covertly watched as Remus rested his elbow on the desk and continued to watch him pace.

After a few more minutes, Remus finally spoke, "What's wrong, Sirius?"

Sirius stopped pacing abruptly and whirled around to face Remus. "What's wrong?" he repeated disbelievingly. "What's wrong?!" He scoffed and shook his head faintly, looking away. He bit his lip and took a few moments to collect himself before he looked back at Remus, trying to calm his overwhelming emotions. "What do you think is wrong, Remus?"

Remus swallowed and shrugged. "I don't know," he lied.

"Yes you fucking do!" Sirius snapped. "You know exactly what is wrong." He took deep breath before he asked, "What were you doing out there?"

Sirius stood strong under Remus's scrutinising gaze and tried his best not to fidget. Remus looked him up and down before replying coolly, "I'm just doing what you're doing."

Sirius frowned, confused. "What I'm doing?"

"I believe you called it 'harmless flirting'?" Remus replied, raising an eyebrow smugly.

"Oh, yeah. Really harmless, that was!"

"It was literally what you do," Remus snapped. "Oh, wait; apart from I didn't kiss her," he added, glaring at Sirius.

"Remus," Sirius groaned, looking away, "I didn't kiss Marlene. She kissed me—"

Remus snorted derisively and muttered, "Sure," before he stood up and began slowly walking towards Sirius. The movement made Sirius look up and their eyes locked as Remus stalked closer and Sirius stayed where he was. Remus stopped when he was within touching distance of Sirius. "What is it, Sirius?" he asked, looking the Animagus in the eye defiantly. "You're allowed to but I'm not?"

Sirius's brow furrowed as he looked down at Remus's tie, trying to control his erratic breathing. He didn't know what to say. It wasn't that he was allowed to and Remus wasn't. It was that he didn't want to – no, he **couldn't** lose Remus. It had taken them so long to get together, so long for him to finally get Remus, and he was convinced that Remus would eventually wake up to reality and would leave him for someone less... damaged.

Finally, he spoke, "I'm a flirty person, Remus. People expect it from me. But you..." He looked Remus in the eye again. "You don't flirt. When you flirt, people believe you're interested in them."

Remus frowned. "And? People think they have a chance with you when you flirt," he pointed out, watching Sirius carefully. "What's the difference?"

"They don't have a chance with me," Sirius replied quietly. "That's the difference."

Remus's frown deepened. "What? They don't have—"

"Yes, they do!" Sirius interrupted, grey eyes wide. "Don't you get it, Remus? You're... You're bloody amazing. You could have anyone." He sighed and inhaled slowly. "What if you find someone who deserves you, and then you realised that they're better? What if you realise that you **deserve** better? And then... Then they take you away, and you leave me? And you're happy, but me, I'm not because I couldn't keep the one thing that makes sense in this fucked up life of mine!"

Remus stared at him, seemingly surprised. Sirius stared back, wondering what Remus was thinking. After all, he had never voiced his worst fears about their relationship to anyone before – not even James. He swallowed and took a deep breath, attempting to calm his rapid breathing. As he watched Remus think, he didn't bother to try and hide his worry. He had already voiced his concerns; Remus had already seen his most vulnerable side; putting up a front would be pointless.

When the silence became too much for Sirius, he continued, "Remus, when I flirt, it's meaningless. People know that. But you... You'll realise that there are so many people out there – better people that deserve you. And you'll... You'll realise how fucked up I am, and then you'll leave me. And I won't be able to do anything about it because I know you deserve more." He sighed. "I just... I don't – I can't lose you, Remus." He frowned and bit his lip. "Remus, I... I-I need you," he stuttered and looked down at his shuffling feet.

A feeling rose within him. Familiar and sickening: Shame. Sirius felt ashamed. Ashamed that he felt all of these uncontrollable emotions. Ashamed that he was telling Remus his innermost fears. Ashamed that he needed someone so much.

What if Remus realised now, because of Sirius pointing it out, that he deserved better? What if he realised how broken Sirius truly was and left him now? Remus had only known Sirius's insecurities when it came to his family. Remus was the first to see this side of Sirius and the Animagus felt excruciatingly exposed. What if, having seen this new side to him, Remus left him now?

Sirius felt Remus move closer and avoided Remus trying to catch his eye, keeping his gaze firmly on his scuffed shoes. After a moment, Remus cupped his face and forced his head up but Sirius kept looking anywhere but at Remus. If he looked at Remus, he was sure he'd break.

"Sirius, look at me," Remus demanded softly.

Sirius obliged and worried grey eyes met determined hazel-amber; he fought to keep his composure as he stared into the understanding eyes of his more-than-friend.

"Sirius, I..." Remus trailed off, looking lost as to what to say.

Hope and worry coursed through Sirius's veins. His breathing was shallow as he hesitantly wrapped his fingers around Remus's wrists, the action familiar and comforting. He pulled Remus closer and tilted his face up as Remus lowered his own. Their lips met halfway in a simple brush, soft and gentle and full of emotion. For Sirius, it was a kiss that conveyed how much he wanted – no, **needed** – to keep Remus as his. And it showed him that Remus wasn't planning on leaving him anytime soon.

After a moment, Remus pulled back and rested his forehead against Sirius's. Sirius stared into blurry hazel-amber eyes, understanding what Remus was silently trying to tell him: that Remus didn't feel any differently about him; that seeing this new, vulnerable side to him had probably brought them closer together.

He watched Remus close his eyes, absorbing the moment, and tightened his grip on Remus's wrists, afraid that any moment now, the werewolf would come to his senses; that Remus would realise how much work he was and leave him. The worrying thought quickly left his mind when Remus, eyes still closed, ran his thumb over Sirius's lips. His tension drained away, leaving behind a calm and relaxed Sirius. Somehow, by this small action, he felt reassured – at least for now – that Remus would not leave him for someone better and less emotionally damaged.

This was why he needed Remus. Because as much as the werewolf brought on these anxieties and insecurities, he also managed to eradicate them; banish them to the deepest, darkest parts of Sirius's soul. It was strange, but he no longer felt ashamed of needing someone so much.

"I need you, too," Remus spoke suddenly; he spoke quietly, as if not wanting to disturb the moment. "And I'm sorry."

Sirius pulled back slightly and stared into hazel-amber eyes for a long moment before he nodded and smiled. The negative emotions – the worries, the anger, the confusion – all disappeared from his mind as he stared into Remus's soul. They hadn't gone forever, he knew. They would come back, as all demons do. But maybe he could talk to Remus about them next time...

He was still worried but at that moment, with Remus, he couldn't feel the fear. Despite having just endured the most vulnerable, awful, exposing moment in his thus far short life, he was happy. Because Remus hadn't left him. Even after seeing this side of Sirius, Remus still hadn't left him.

Remus wasn't going to leave Sirius, and Sirius knew that. Sirius realised, as he stared into Remus's eyes, that as much as he needed Remus, Remus needed him.

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 **A/N: I decided to rewrite and rename this story because I was unhappy with the original version, with its two perspectives switching without warning. I am much happier with it now.**

 **Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!**

 **Rewritten: July, 2018**


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